“i think carnations are making a comeback.”
March 21, 2009 by alyssa sharpe
what comes after that is a post-it note.
i turned in a paper for my english class this past wednesday. turns out, i got a C on it. a 75% percentile. C. yes i did. you might think it’s because i forgot to capitalize everything, but no, i’m pretty good at remembering to do this, when it’s for a grade.
she told me that my grammar was good, my speech was lovely, but that my thesis, and the rest of the ten pages sounded like, and i quote, a “sex and the city episode.”
i laughed. a lot. of course this no good for my grade in english, which is something i had considered majoring in, but it did make me feel pretty good about life. if i could sound like anything or anyone, i’m glad it’s carrie bradshaw.
now, i knew a boy. i had thought i loved this boy, but turns out i didn’t. turns out he would have read this story, and gotten mad at me for not caring that i didn’t get an A, like i should have. i always get A’s, so i feel as though i can laugh it off, and know that my life is not run by grades. if it was, i would have killed myself in highschool. the only time i got a 4.0 was my last semester of senior year. consequently, it was also the only semester i did homework.
on another note, i can not stand love triangles. working in resturants you find yourself a part of a lot of them. my last job, i ended up leaving with barely any friends left over. they all hated me because of some dude i liked that was dating some chick that i didn’t like. and it’s funny that no one cares that there are two sides to every story, and that maybe the dude that was so mean to me in public, actually really did manipulate the fuck out of me behind closed doors, and on occasion, open ones. so please why hate me for this? feel bad for me– but don’t tell me. no one wants to be felt bad for.
i currently feel bad for a girl. a girl who loves a boy that she believes loves her back. but who’s going to tell the girl that after three years of sleeping with her and not dating her, he just doesn’t love her?
i can’t tell her. because i know from experience, when you’re ready to leave you will. and people are just going to watch and feel bad. field assumptions, and hope she finds love, or that he just learns to love her back. i hope she finds happiness, but i wonder how long it will take.
and i feel bad for him, because i know that when you are the asshole of the situation it’s actually worse for you. your addiction doesn’t hurt you, it only makes you feel good. so why stop hurting this person you care about? you know you should, but it’s hard.
love is not enough. repeat after me, love is not enough. he may love you, but he doesn’t want to be with you, so maybe, yes: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. (also a good thing to say, is that, SEX IS NOT LOVE.)
and like jack berger in sex and the city, and his fucking post-it note, men can prove themselves to be rather immature. and even bringing a girl carnations because it’s cute, doesn’t mean they will stick around long enough to kiss you good morning.
“i’m sorry, i can’t don’t, hate me.”
everyone goes through some form of this, but why? when will we learn that we only deserve real, obsessive, extraordinary love? nothing else. because even if you’re a psycho, weird, spazzy girl like me, someone is going to love you anyway, but not only love you, they will want to be with you.
look past the stars. no one wants to be alone. but it’s better to be alone and lonely, than with someone who’s fucking you and trying to be with other girls at the same time.
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD.
now for my opening paragraph:
“Can one be loved fully, if they are not seemingly worth the great love the world perceives they are worth? Carson McCullers states, “A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant, and beautiful as the poison lilies of the swamp.” (26) So, the answer is yes. But, can anyone be loved in return, or are there two different sides to every love story? This answer is a little less black and white. In Carson McCullers’s novella, “The Ballad of the Sad Café,” the main theme of the lover and the beloved, is comparable to the relationships between Miss Amelia, Marvin Macy, and Cousin Lymon, and the unrequited love that brings an end to their happiness. There are, in fact two sides to every story, or in this case, three.”
