Hot Guy

• You’re not scared of him
• He always disappoints you, and shocks you with how much he doesn’t care that he disappointed you
• He says the wrong thing all the time
• He is always late, even when he’s on time, don’t ask–it’s just easier to yell at him
• You have to consistently ask him if he’s learned from the error of his ways
• He lives life like it’s a hot chick, and he can just have another one if it gets old
• He never tells you that he doesn’t love you–he just expects you to get it, and when you don’t he’s mad at you
• You can UHaul into his life pretty easily because he has doesn’t understand your audacity
• He desires to take care of you
• He lives life like he’s uglier than he is, but he thinks he’s hotter than everyone
• He shows up to every party a little bit incorrectly and no one cares
• He doesn’t get angry very easily, but never forgives anybody
• You can’t trust him to say what he’s actually thinking, you have to read his mind
• Everyone asks you how you deal with him, because they just couldn’t
• He avoids every type of confrontation and he does remember exactly what he did
• Saves trinkets and tokens of their desire for you, but never lets on
• Wants to be the system

Hot Girl

• You’re scared of her
• She never disappoints you, she only shocks you with her insecurity that she might have disappointed you
• She refuses to say the wrong thing, she would prefer to walk away and say nothing at all
• She is always on time, because she makes her own time
• You have to consistently ask her if she’s okay because you know she’s not ever
• She lives life like it’s a hot a guy, and she refuses to let go of him and let someone else take credit for all she did to him
• She never tells you what you did wrong–but keeps you close to her and when you walk away in shame, she gets mad at you
• She has her shit together but prefers your shit
• She desires to be taken care of
• She lives life like she’s hotter than everyone, but treats herself like she’s uglier than she is
• She is better dressed than everyone, always, but doesn’t act like she tries too hard
• She gets angry very easily, but forgives too quickly
• You have to read the words coming out of her mouth as fact, because she has thought them through even if they’re lies
• Everyone tells you how lucky you are to have her
• She runs head first into every type of confrontation, but never remembers what she did to deserve this
• Throws everything in the trash
• Doesn’t trust the system

Mediocre Dude

• You’re scared of him, but also interested for one moment of said fear–but only for a moment, which will show itself as a problem.
• He never disappoints you in how often he shows up in your life–confidently–which is a disappointment in and of itself.
• He refuses to say the wrong thing, so he studies you to know what you like men to say, and then if he says something incorrectly, he backtracks immediately, and says the right thing. In the end, if he’s still saying the wrong thing, he will ask “what should I say?”
• He is always on time, even early, waiting for you with anxiety.
• You never want to ask if he’s okay, but he dumps all of his feelings on you, anyway.
• He lives life like it’s a hot guy, and he can rape him for all he’s worth, and pretend to be him for a little while. Both metaphorically, and physically speaking, the earth is something he can frack for oil in. He rapes everyone’s energy, and doesn’t care who he hurts.
• He always tells you what you did wrong, and has a solution to make you better for him.
• He doesn’t have his shit together, but likes to tell you how to fix yours, so he can have it with you. AKA he doesn’t trust himself with anything.
• He desires to be in control of you. And that is the only thing he is weirdly honest about.
• He lives life likes he’s hotter than everyone, but is not even close by comparison.
• He is always dressed better than everyone, but doesn’t act like he tried too hard, even though he took 5 hours to look that good.
• He gets angry very quickly, and forgives too easily (annoyingly without hesitation when confronted).
• You have to read the words coming out of his mouth as fact, because he has thought them through even if they’re lies. Meaning you can now run to your nearest library to check out the books on personality disorders to get a bigger clue as to what makes him tick.
• Everyone tells you he’s not hot enough for you.
• He runs head first into every situation as a yes man, but never remembers what he just said he would do.

Mediocre Broad

• You’re not scared of her, but you wish you were, because she takes it too far once you get close.
• She always disappoints you with her future-faking.
• She says the wrong thing all the time, and doesn’t notice.
• She is always late, and doesn’t care who she hurts. She’s like a bad dream, where you can’t find your keys, or all the roads are blocked, and you’re late.
• You have to consistently ask her if she knows what she did in the past that needs to be fixed, so that the future can be good–and it’s always an awkward conversation.
• She lives life like it’s a hot chick, and she can just pretend she’s the hot chick. (And get another personality from someone else if she get’s old).
• She never tells you she loves you, but she is insulted if you don’t say it back.
• She Uhauls into everyone’s life, leaving bits of herself everywhere that she has no intention to collect on.
• She likes to pretend that she could take care of you, but has no idea, or intention, as in how to do that.
• She lives life like she is uglier than everyone, but thinks she’s hotter than everyone.
• She shows up to every party a little too loud, and everyone cares and calls her out on it.
• She doesn’t seem to get angry very easily, but is always trying to get back at someone. 
• You can’t trust her to say what she’s actually thinking, you have to take out the psychology books to understand her personality disorders, and which ones she is currently giving you.
• Everyone shuts up around you about your weird love interest, because they don’t know if it’s okay to tell you about her.
•  She avoids every type of confrontation through gaslighting, because she is always doing the bad thing.