like most people in the world, i have a myspace. myspaces get hacked. it’s not a huge deal. but last year, sometime, i logged on my space and was horrified by something i read in my “about me” section. it could have been anyone, but i know it was not just anyone. it was the same person who instant messaged my friend matt, under my screen name, and told him i was wasted at 2:00pm and was in love with him. it was the same person who logged in on one of these old blogging sites of mine, and changed my profile picture to look like a horror film. basically a computer-hand-written message stating that, “i am a bitch.”
there is more that was done. reading messages and deleting them. being sent random messages from people stating that they heard a rumor about me. when in reality, these people did not even exist, just another attempt at controlling me.
i kinda wondered what i did that was so horrible. what i was that could make someone hate me that much. maybe i really am a bitch. maybe this person knows something that he/she feels the need to tell me about, without actually telling me who he/she is. what am i saying, already know who he is.
i’m afraid to let someone else get something from my car in fear that they’ll forget to lock my doors. i’m afraid of nighttime. i am afraid of blacking out. i am afraid all the time. and i don’t think that’s fair. i’ve never made anyone fear this much. except once. i’m pretty sure he cried he was so scared.
this is what my about me said:
“you have to understand my life story if you want to understand me. my need for smoking and drugs and wanting attention from boyz is all caused by one thing. see, i was raped last year. i need people to feel sorry for me even if they don’t know why to feel sorry for me.i like to call myself a christian, but if you really knew me, you wouldn’t believe it. i’ve always been a bitch. i like to bring others down, especially those who are prettier than me, because it really does make me feel better about myself. to see someone cry because of me is a rush. don’t hate me because i’m beautiful on the oustide. i’m certainly not beautiful on the inside.”
and that’s it. i didn’t write it. and i don’t think anything has made me feel that horrible in my entire life. and when someone gets all weird that someone hacked into their space and started spamming everyone. i laugh. because it’s really not that big a deal.
i am a bitch. what’s your name?
